funnies - Page 3 - Honda Foreman Forums : Rubicon, Rincon, Rancher and Recon Forum

gemarsh · 02-28-2011, 06:07 PM

A city hunter and a farmer

A lawyer from the city was out pheasant hunting one day and and spooked up a rooster. He took aim and shot the bird. The bird landed on the other side of the fence and a old farmer was watching.

The hunter asked the farmer for the bird but the farmer said it was his, due to the fact it landed on his property.

But the hunter said it would not have been there if he didn't bag it.

The farmer told the lawyer we can settle this country style. We both keep taking turns kicking each other in the nuts, last man standing takes the game.

Lawyer looking at the frail old farmer, said OK. Farmer says good, I go first.

He takes careful aim and lands his old steel toe work boots right where it counts. The lawyer yells out in pain and falls to the ground, a couple of minutes later he makes it to his feet and says "ok, you ole coot, my turn.

The farmer turns and walks away and says, "Naw, you can have the bird."

Be Safe
Gayle

north idaho rancher · 02-28-2011, 06:20 PM

Gent is waiting in the examination room for a doctor, and a gorgeous blond walks in.

He tells her his symptoms are very personal in nature, but she assures him that she is a MD with a full degree and she's probably heard it all before.

He tells her he's been told his p.e.n.i.s tastes funny.

jake_hag · 02-28-2011, 09:17 PM

Subject : Buying A SheerNightgown
A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife.
He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him.
Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy-), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing.
I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.'
She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'
He never heard the shot.
Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin

ole_smokey_88 · 03-01-2011, 12:16 AM

well grandma was celebrating her 85th birthday

she was in a wheelchair and most of her friends and family were there so one of her nephews rolls her out on the patio and the family starts grilling hamburgers and hot dogs and they get to noticing grandma is leaning to the left so they run over and stuff pillows on her left side

a few moments later they notice she is leaning to the right so they run over and shove a few pillows on her right side

so they go back to all there cooking and they look again and she is leaning forward now so they duct tape a pillow to her chest about the time they get her stationary a few more family members arive and they ask her grandma how are you doing ?

she gives them a real go to heII look and said fine but the bastar.ds wont let me fart

ole_smokey_88 · 03-01-2011, 12:26 AM

two young guys were picked up by the cops for doing drugs and they had to appear in court. The judge talked to them for a while and then he decided that they seem like two nice young men caught up with the wrong people so the judge told them im gonna give you a 2nd chance rather than sending you to jail he said i want you all to go out this weekend and show others all the evils of doing drugs so they agreed they would meet back up on monday

so monday finally rolled around the judge asked the first young man how he had done on his quest the young man said i done great i persuaded 17 people to quit drugs for good and the judge said wow thats amazing how did you do it he said i made a graph your honer he said i used two circles like this O o he said the big circle is your brain before drugs and he said the small one is your brain after drugs the judge was astonished

then he asked the 2nd young man how he had done and he said i convinced 189 people to quit drugs for good and the judges jaw dropped he said WOW how did you do it the young man said i used a graph to
i used the same two circles except i told them the small circle was there as.s hole before prison and the big circle was after prison

TXTee · 03-01-2011, 01:42 AM

Tehehehehe....ya'll have some good ones....keep em coming!

Sterkview_dairy · 03-01-2011, 07:27 AM

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"
Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.
One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

rubiranch · 03-01-2011, 10:00 AM

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook.
I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend !!

rich450es · 03-01-2011, 10:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rubiranch

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook.
I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend !!

rubiranch · 03-01-2011, 11:26 AM

I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod
after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

02-28-2011, 06:20 PM	#22 (permalink)
north idaho rancher Honda Rider Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Hideously Ugly North Idaho Posts: 97	Gent is waiting in the examination room for a doctor, and a gorgeous blond walks in. He tells her his symptoms are very personal in nature, but she assures him that she is a MD with a full degree and she's probably heard it all before. He tells her he's been told his p.e.n.i.s tastes funny. __________________ 08 Foreman ES w/ Steering, Perfex, CTE's, Bighorns, 1.5" Spacers, Piped, filtered, jetted, the list goes on...... 03 Rancher, 8 years of mods..... When The Knock On The Door Said "Alcohol, Tobacco, And Firearms", I Naturally Thought It Was A Delivery.

03-01-2011, 12:16 AM	#24 (permalink)
ole_smokey_88 Honda Red Wing Rider Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: East Tn Posts: 586	well grandma was celebrating her 85th birthday she was in a wheelchair and most of her friends and family were there so one of her nephews rolls her out on the patio and the family starts grilling hamburgers and hot dogs and they get to noticing grandma is leaning to the left so they run over and stuff pillows on her left side a few moments later they notice she is leaning to the right so they run over and shove a few pillows on her right side so they go back to all there cooking and they look again and she is leaning forward now so they duct tape a pillow to her chest about the time they get her stationary a few more family members arive and they ask her grandma how are you doing ? she gives them a real go to heII look and said fine but the bastar.ds wont let me fart __________________ 2009 500 foreman "thundercolt" 27x10-12 executioners all the way around full snorkel exhaust and intake 2 inch ssatv lift ammo can storage devices 3000# pro mark winch itp wheels brier guards homemade audiopipe euro taillight uni air filter jet kit custom skids carb mod

03-01-2011, 12:26 AM	#25 (permalink)
ole_smokey_88 Honda Red Wing Rider Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: East Tn Posts: 586	two young guys were picked up by the cops for doing drugs and they had to appear in court. The judge talked to them for a while and then he decided that they seem like two nice young men caught up with the wrong people so the judge told them im gonna give you a 2nd chance rather than sending you to jail he said i want you all to go out this weekend and show others all the evils of doing drugs so they agreed they would meet back up on monday so monday finally rolled around the judge asked the first young man how he had done on his quest the young man said i done great i persuaded 17 people to quit drugs for good and the judge said wow thats amazing how did you do it he said i made a graph your honer he said i used two circles like this O o he said the big circle is your brain before drugs and he said the small one is your brain after drugs the judge was astonished then he asked the 2nd young man how he had done and he said i convinced 189 people to quit drugs for good and the judges jaw dropped he said WOW how did you do it the young man said i used a graph to i used the same two circles except i told them the small circle was there as.s hole before prison and the big circle was after prison __________________ 2009 500 foreman "thundercolt" 27x10-12 executioners all the way around full snorkel exhaust and intake 2 inch ssatv lift ammo can storage devices 3000# pro mark winch itp wheels brier guards homemade audiopipe euro taillight uni air filter jet kit custom skids carb mod

03-01-2011, 01:42 AM	#26 (permalink)
TXTee Honda Red Wing Rider Join Date: Aug 2010 Posts: 4,060	Tehehehehe....ya'll have some good ones....keep em coming! __________________ Gone - no time for childish people or games

03-01-2011, 07:27 AM	#27 (permalink)
Sterkview_dairy Honda Red Wing Rider Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Embro Ont Canada Posts: 651	A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her. Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!" __________________ DGL#1 for Sale TRX 450S Foreman 01-28 Mudbugs on ITP Type 5, Warn 424, Quadrax Disc Brake kit, Triple lift front. Prefex RearWarn RT30 wireles remote, Amsteel Blue, Floor Boards, ODI Grips, JD Lights, Custom Built Stick Stoppers, Bash Plate, Skid Plate. TRX 300FW Fourtrax 88-26 Mudbugs on ITP Type 5, Quadrax Disc Brake Kit, 450 shocks front, Big Red Rear with built in lift, ODI Grips, Floorboards TRX 500ES Foreman 07 26 Mudbugs, HL+Prefex.

02-28-2011, 06:07 PM	#21 (permalink)
gemarsh Honda Rider Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Grand Island, NE Posts: 75	A city hunter and a farmer A lawyer from the city was out pheasant hunting one day and and spooked up a rooster. He took aim and shot the bird. The bird landed on the other side of the fence and a old farmer was watching. The hunter asked the farmer for the bird but the farmer said it was his, due to the fact it landed on his property. But the hunter said it would not have been there if he didn't bag it. The farmer told the lawyer we can settle this country style. We both keep taking turns kicking each other in the nuts, last man standing takes the game. Lawyer looking at the frail old farmer, said OK. Farmer says good, I go first. He takes careful aim and lands his old steel toe work boots right where it counts. The lawyer yells out in pain and falls to the ground, a couple of minutes later he makes it to his feet and says "ok, you ole coot, my turn. The farmer turns and walks away and says, "Naw, you can have the bird." Be Safe Gayle

02-28-2011, 09:17 PM	#23 (permalink)
jake_hag Honda Lover Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: South Dakota Posts: 337	Subject : Buying A SheerNightgown A husband walks into Victoria 's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally, he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and model it for him. Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy-), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for myself.' She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose. The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!' He never heard the shot. Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin

03-01-2011, 10:00 AM	#28 (permalink)
rubiranch Honda Red Wing Rider Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Big Rock Candy Mountain Resort - Marysvale, Utah Posts: 3,071	Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on FaceBook. I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend !! __________________ 2012 Polaris 550 Touring EPS Thank you Doug Meyer ATVTV.com & Polaris 1000+ miles 2001 Rubicon Bug 16,000+ miles 1835+ hours Dependability is the "Way Out" Not "True-4-WD". Bombardier BR 180 Snow Cat Thanks Utah State Parks

03-01-2011, 11:26 AM	#30 (permalink)
rubiranch Honda Red Wing Rider Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Big Rock Candy Mountain Resort - Marysvale, Utah Posts: 3,071	I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name. __________________ 2012 Polaris 550 Touring EPS Thank you Doug Meyer ATVTV.com & Polaris 1000+ miles 2001 Rubicon Bug 16,000+ miles 1835+ hours Dependability is the "Way Out" Not "True-4-WD". Bombardier BR 180 Snow Cat Thanks Utah State Parks

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